What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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