Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
