i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
