I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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