I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
