I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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