are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
