I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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