I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
