my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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