bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
