I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize