Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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