couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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