Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
