My room smells like vodka and shame
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
