i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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