He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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