Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
