Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
