Say something about gay babies.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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