I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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