Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
