Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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