tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
