He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
