My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize