no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So apparently I’m into choking now
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
