I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
how drunk are you?
Several
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
