The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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