remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
