His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
