those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
