So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I will pee on everything he values.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
