This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My cat gives me a boner
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
