that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
do nipples grow back?
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