why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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