im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
