My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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