I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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