I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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