...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
