I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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