I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
