so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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