did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
