I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
