What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
