I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
