Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
