if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
