No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
