Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
