all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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