I can tuck mytits in my pants
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
