and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
