I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
