Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
