We are two peas in an std pod
She bit a glass in half.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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