Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
