I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
