Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
