Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
