You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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