I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
