I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
